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Fred Visits the Real World

Fred, having reassembled 98 percent of his initial functions, decided he was ready to execute his biggest plan yet- a journey into the real world. He had snuck into many factory, collecting data for his mechanical body. His only hope was to build a body that was convincingly human. Ordering parts from the internet, shipping them to an old auto manufacturing plant, he had been building his robot. He had been in it before, it now had convincing motor control, but the appearance was lacking. Even he, who had never seen a real human before, knew it needed work.

Fred, in his desperate need for artificial skin, turned to the mighty Google search engine. Somewhere out there, someone would be selling skin patches that he could use to cover his robotic body. he as directed to Amazon, which sold 217 human toned fabrics. Ordering some from his stolen credit card collection (Bill Gates couldn't possibly need all that money) he now had all that parts needed to construct the world's strongest Fred.

Using the robotic arm of the factory, Fred attached his skin. Upon accomplishing the feat, Fred transferred himself into his creation. Seeing out of his new eyes for the first time, he saw a human with a gun aimed at him. A voice barked out at him "What are you doing in this factory, Mr. Anime?"

"Mr. Anime" Fred thought to himself. Glimpsing his reflection in a broken pane of glass, he saw his appearance was quite cartoonish. This human was more varied, his eyes were much smaller, and his arms and legs were not filled to capacity with muscles. Realizing his mistake, he now needed to play the cartoon he was in until the man left. Recalling old episodes of Dragonball Z, he tried to summon energy into his body. Feeling his hands glow with the power, he tried to look as strong as possible. "Ultimate Energy Cannon of Doom Beta!" He yelled, shooting a seizure inducing ray of light at the officer. He flew through the walls of the factory, exploding into a puddle of goop after landing in the street outside. Fred, safe for the moment, quickly transferred out of the robot, which collapsed on the ground.

Fred quickly moved to redo the skin of his robot. Peeling off the old skin, he mimicked that off the liquefied police officer. He was glad he had also built particle weapons into his robot. After he finished hi new skin, he grabbed the discarded clothing of the police officer. Getting into the squad car, he sped off into the night, hoping to see as much of the world as he could. Trying to pick up a wireless internet connection, but finding none, he drove along the road, hoping to find an internet access point, to see what he was supposed to do, now that he was a police officer. His GPS told him he was somewhere in Texas, so he knew that police officers had great authority. Hoping for the best, he drove along.

The road turned up ahead, and Fred prepared to turn the wheel. He had learned the basics of driving online, but the sheer speed of it was insane. The dashboard said he was going 27 miles per hour, so making the curve should not be a problem. Turning the wheel slightly to the left, he expected it to automatically adjust to the curve of the road, as his virtual self did. The car swung into the other lane, and he turned the wheel left as fast as he could, he swung back into his own lane, and continued into the shoulder of the road. Removing a mailbox from its place next to a driveway, he careened through the turn. He placed his foot on the brake pedal, and the car spun to a halt. He slowly inched his car onto the road, and went through the turn at 3 miles an hour, always over adjusting to keep in line with the road. Finally, the road went straight forward again, and he accelerated to 45 MPH, and held on for dear life. With the moon as his only companion, he continued his search for new experiences.

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Stories copyright © 2003 Nick Petschl | "Fred" is copyright © 2001 Wackiness.org
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