Fred, suffering from a rash of bad judgment caused by consuming the contents of 29 Geocities pages in under an hour, decided it was time to really see how this computer worked. Waddling his way over to the cd drive, he was ordered to a halt by a booming voice.

"Fred!" the voice rang clear in his head.

"God? Is that you?" he asked, worried and confused.

"No. It is Uncle Sam! Learning how computers work is bad for big business. A repair man in Utah patented the job of fixing computers. Take one more step and I'll give you a lawsuit for several million dollars. That, or you can buy one of these patent licenses. Only $49.95 per year! Or I can offer you these financial transfers out of Africa." Fred, sick of the legal-speak from Uncle Sam, blew his head off with the Packet Cannon.

Uncle Sam, super-cool hat and attached head removed, slowly but surely reformed. Fred, sick of this game already, decided it was time for Uncle Sammy to get a taste of his own poison. "Hey! You stole that move from the evil Terminator in Terminator 2!" Uncle Sam paused, and realized the truth of his accuser. His face transformed into a red hue. "Hey, that move is from the horse in Emerald City from The Wizard of Oz!" Sam now fell over, reeling from his two-faced accusations and movements. "Two-Faced?" Fred keenly accused, "Like the Batman villain?"

Sam now began falling apart. He burst into tears. "I thought Vietnam was as low as I would get, but now, this! Why don't I just quit my job? Why even bother? I'm ending this now!" Sam walked to the edge of the computer, and prepared to plunge to his death below.

"Sam! Wait!" Fred yelled, pulling his companion from the ledge. "You can right these wrongs you have done! These stupid copyrights can be fought off! Start your own non-profit, and things will be getting better in no time! Lose the crazy outfit, go for a super-suave look, and people will come racing to your doorstep!"

Sam threw his hat off the ledge. Looking in Fred's closet, he picked up a pair of stylish sunglasses. "Take them, and go out there and fight the power!" Placing the glasses over his eyes, Sam decided upon a new name. "Call me... MC Sam." he stated coolly as he walked out the door.

Fred decided to accompany MC Sam around for a while, so he got out his expensive leather jacket and array of handguns, and walked after Sam. "Take this," he said, handing over a Micro Uzi. MC turned it down, instead showing Fred his military issue M-16 rifle. "Pfft. Rifles are for governments. Real men use submachine guns," Fred, knowledgeable gun and savoir faire expert, advised. Putting away his M-16, Sam pocketed the Uzi.

Hours later, Fred decided to continue his effort in computing knowledge. He and Sam turned into the next computer they saw. Sadly, it was the computer home of the Department of Homeland Security. Dodging security patrols, they headed into the directors office. This single computer was home of the logs of all the suspected enemies of the state. Noted on the list were the descendants of Senator McCarthy. "Too much negative PR" was the only statement listed next to them. They were set to be deported the 2nd of May. MC Sam, filled with rage from 80 years of abuse, pulled out his guns. Rounds filled the air, as Fred ran for the door. One of them would need to survive to free the other, and MC Sam was not in the talking mood. He ran for the door, evading the security guards rushing to subdue Sam.

Fred ran home, always looking to be sure he was not being traced, followed, or watched. Finally home at wackiness, he checked the news. Sam was not mentioned, so he plugged in the VirtuFred unit to investigate. Scanning for Sam, he soon teleported into a Jail Cell in the DHS network. "Sam, is that you?" he asked.

"Yes Fred, it is me. I will be staying here for a while. Don't try to get me out. I can do my work better from the inside. Watch for messages from me. I will have my chance to strike a blow for freedom. I will try to chip away at what laws I can, but I can do nothing as a fugitive. Now go, the guards are coming. VirtuFred vanished, and Fred went to sleep, crying.