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Nichofredian ethics

The phone inside wackiness.org rang, and Fred leaped out of his chair to answer it. Expecting news of Binary, he was surprised to hear from Binary herself.

"Fred, I’m tired of hiding. Call off all of these searching robots, now."

Fred was too stunned to speak. He began to traceroute the call, but to no avail. It appeared Binary was moving with speed around the internet, and he couldn’t figure out where she was until she had already moved. Binary had many of the same instincts as he did, so he had no chance to catch up with her.

However, he could guess where she was going next, he might cut her off. Au contraire, Binary had enough of this awkward silence, simply said, "Call off your search, and I’ll call you again." Fred now had to make some choices. Binary can only hide so many places, and a Fredbot was bound to find her sooner or later. However, Binary was to be trusted, even if she had dumped him, and he was trying to win her back.

Meanwhiles, the new villain of this series, one McC Money, deactivated his voice replicator, in order to get the full evilness out of his evil laugh. He had forgotten to shut it of once, during the blackmail of a little old lady who talked to her son in Japan over the internet, and he nearly gave himself a heart attack. Small children and evil laughter produced a very creepy effect.

McC Money had kidnapped Binary, stolen her voice, and was now eliminating the one threat of capture he had. He would hold her ransom a while longer, and then ransom her off for ONE BILLLLLION DOLLARS, or TWENTY NINE MILLION FIFTY FIVE HUNDRED NIGERIAN DOLLARS, which ever came first.

Fred was pondering the ethics of Binary’s request. If he stopped his search while letting some victim’s computer to search for him, he was following Binary’s request well enough. He quickly selected several victims, and decided he would do his own searching for a while. McC Money was taking a break from evil laughter to oversee his personal website. McC ran a fly by night internet 'blog' service, using it to acquire data on puny humans before crushing them.

"McC Money crush puny humans" he bellowed as he scanned his hosted blogs for personal information that could be used to blackmail people into giving him money.

Binary was locked up tight in McC's evil hideout. It was so evil; it scared the high end out of Doom 3. Binary couldn’t even move, cause of the zombies everywhere. She didn’t even have a survival knife, so she decided to stay put until she could collect some herbs and sprays to heal herself with during the escape.

What Binary couldn't know is that the zombies were actually controlled by Fred, who was already rushing to her aid. Stealth action in hand, Fred crawled his way through what should’ve been a 15 minute walk into a 20 hour ordeal, filled with endless cinema scenes. Fred made it to Binary, untied her, but found now that exiting the evil layer would not be as easy as coming in. Many of the doors now required swipe card keys to open, and Fred was fresh out. Binary and Fred would have to face whatever alternative, horrifying exits remained in the dark realm of McC Money.

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Stories copyright © 2003 Nick Petschl | "Fred" is copyright © 2001 Wackiness.org
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