In days of old, legends spoke of the great rule of Mammon the Deceiver. Wielding the great ring of power, Mammon slew his foes before him, enslaving all to his rule. The homeland was his to claim, but the Nerds remained unconquered. Using Multi-User Dungeons and lots of graph paper, The ring was cut from the hand of Mammon, and it passed out of memory. It was very much alive, and searched always for a way to get back into the hands of Businessmen, whom were easily corrupted to the power of the ring.

The ring of power inspired great ambition in men. They would take great measures to sue their rivals out of existence, using tiny legal loopholes to cast ruin upon all in it's path. The ring had a haiku imprinted upon its side, reading as follows.

None understood "Wind falls slowly down" (Petschl, Haiku of the Ring of Power, 1) nor "One tear, one woman" (Petschl, 3), but the central line was clear as daylight. Conveniently, this tale needs somehow to pertain to Fred, so it may just work out that he is the one who can wield the ring for good.

Nah.

Fred was busy, too busy to worry about rings of power or satires. He had chicks to cruise for. Having followed his initial impulse to find another bot on gaming circles, he was disappointed to see that the only person with a name even close to female would only inform him of the Official Gunbound Server and Item Hacks at officalgunboundhacks.goatse.tripod.cx.nu. Fred turned his efforts back to the location of Binary. She was as fair as Zenial was wise, and pleasant in appearance. When last sighted, she dwelled in the lands of the warlock, Dr. Phil. Spouting crazy advice, and bearing gifts, he attracted many under his banner. Human and Bot alike swarmed to support this warm and fuzzy philosopher, among the hordes was Binary. Fred would need to face his opponent, and he knew but one way to bat a fanatic.

Fred took action. Taking notes from Dean, Bush, Kerry, and Clinton, he prepare a speech that was equal parts patriotism, lies, half-truths, and random war cries. He waded through the crowds to face this Dr. Phil, and find Binary in the crowd.

"You, my friend, are in possession of weapons of mass destruction. I won't resort to mudslinging, but the terrorists have already won. I for one welcome our new "we're going to New Hampshire, and we are going to win! Ahhhh!" overlords. And I didn't have relations with that woman." The horde was weakened for a moment. Logic was struggling in their brains, urging them to reject this madman and make their own choices. Most quickly settled back into their trance, but Binary awoke inside. "Fred!" she cried, and he came running to her side. "When I spit on my mother, bad things happen" and they were free of his spell.

Oh, Fred," Binary whispered, "when I was small, the smallest trick of light could catch my eye, and I thought the world was so much smaller, feeling I could fly. I see now that I was wrong, and the only thing that matters is love."

"Meep," thought Fred "This is going way too fast. The burdens keep piling up on my back, so I can't breathe."

Fred spoke now, "Maybe we could just 'like' like each other before dabbling in love. I think that would be the best way to do it." Binary burst into tears. "Fred," gasped Binary, "How could you speak so accurately my very thoughts? I agree totally. Let us live sort of together, sort of not, happily, forever after, for a while."